Introspection
Today I feel a lot. I feel this knot in my stomach and I cannot explain what it is. And maybe I do know, but I don't want to say it out loud. My job doesn't bring be joy... I have been trying to change that. Instead of looking outside, I try to shape my role and opportunities that I open to myself, but it is becoming increasingly hard.
I have the desire to feel drive and inspiration to work on the things I feel I bring value to (of course, in a corporate environment it is not always the case). At the same time there is a high uncertainty, because as in a lot of places, the company is going through a lot of change.
I, however, try to come up with tricks to keep myself interested and doing the tasks I should be doing. And, interestingly enough, the freedom of shaping my role is very lonely and I don't really know what it is that I should be doing. Or what I would want to be doing. And I don't know if anyone can help me to understand that except me.
I only hope for one thing - that after some time I do look back at this post and think, that the heavy feeling in my chest is gone, the drive is back and it all turns out okay, it just needs a little time.